Well… now that you’ve been introduced to my amazing sister-in-law, I figured it’s probably my turn to get a bit personal. I spend a lot of time on this blog discussing trends, and looking for ways to be a fashionable plus size woman without a budget as big as my waistline, but I really don’t get down and dirty about who I am, and how I feel. So… here goes. Time to put it out there.
When telling my sister-in-law that I thought I should write this, she responded with “You seem like the most outwardly confident person I know. I would love to know what’s really going on inside your head!” I responded with “I am the polar opposite.”
I have struggled with my weight and body image my entire life (as I think can be said for most, if not all of us). When I was little, I would go to school everyday, and be told by my classmates that I was fat, ugly, and stupid. I learned that while learning my alphabet, that 1+1=2, and learning the life cycle of a butterfly. It was drilled into my head. Now, when I look back at photos of me as a little girl, I realize that I wasn’t fat. Unfortunately, I let myself believe the words of my classmates, and I let those words manifest into reality; a rather painful realization to come to.
I have spent the majority of my adult life thus far being pissed off at my body for not being what I want it to be, or do the things I ask it to do (i.e. during a workout). I have spent so much time hiding. It wasn’t until I was in L.A. for a few months (working on a production of a one woman show I wrote), and my trainer friend was pushing me to my limits, that I had a breakdown. I’d spent so much time blaming my body for my troubles, never being honest enough with myself about the fact that I had done this to my body! Talk about a meltdown. That is a harsh reality to process, and I’m still working on that one two plus years after coming to that realization.
I deal with most painful things through writing or cracking jokes (sometimes singing, but never in public). I wrote a one woman show, which I do perform from time to time, called AT LARGE! The show explores the way plus size women view themselves, the world, fashion, and the way others see and treat them. It was my way of beginning to delve into my own views about my body. The fact that I crack jokes, or can stand in front of an audience, tends to give people the false impression that I am an extremely confident person. But getting laughs from a group of people at a party or applause from an audience in a theatre is my way of seeking validation.
I’m only now, as I am about a week away from turning 31 years old, beginning to embrace myself and my body. Starting this blog has opened my eyes to an entirely new world of plus size fashion. I always felt as though my shopping options were limited, and I would never be able to live in a world of high fashion for women my size. Boy, was I wrong! Never in my life have I been so thrilled to be wrong! I’ve also discovered hoards of women who have blogs of their own and exude confidence in their curvy figures! I’m seeing a whole other world where women love themselves and embrace their bodies. It is extremely inspiring.
So… that’s a bit more about me. I hope that gives you a sense of who is writing these posts, and where I’m coming from. I am so excited to share things with the growing audience and examine the world of plus size fashion and body image exploration with you! Let’s learn together, and get excited for what the world has to offer us. Let’s embrace the curves, accept ourselves, love ourselves, and let the pieces fall into place. It should be one hell of a fun journey.